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And if tonight my soul may find her peace
in sleep, and sink in good oblivion,
and in the morning wake
like a new-opened flower
then I have been dipped again in God,
and new-created.
- D.H. Lawrence
Of late, I fall asleep and then awake with an energy surge 45 minutes later. It feels like a drug, and it is. But it's a drug my body manufactures. The sleeplessness lasts between two and four hours.
First, I try to ignore the inevitable.
"There's nothing really wrong," I keep telling myself, "I can do this. I can stay in bed and just doze." But every noise, every movement, renders me more alert. I find a better haven in solitude.
Slipping out of bed, barely breathing, silently grabbing my slippers and a robe, I tiptoe down the stairs to the kitchen to make a hot drink. Tea is soothing when the house is dark and quiet. I bring my steaming cup to my computer. I type.
What I write hardly matters. When I read it the next day, I grimace. But it feels profound and moving at 2:00 a.m. This comforts me. I think I'm brilliant. I believe I'm using the time. It must be the typing, the patting sound of my fingers on the shiny black keys, that lulls me back to sleep, that makes me feel like a drowsy child, warm and draped across the shoulders of the night sky.
I return to bed and gaze up through the window at the stars. I can still see them when I close my eyes.
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What do you do when you can't sleep?
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4 comments:
Isn't life funny? I could sleep like a rock now, but I have three kids (5yrs, 2yrs & 8mnths) who keep me up.
When my kids are finally older, my body will keep me up. Well, at least I got good sleep as a child.
I do think, though, that the mind of a writer takes a while to shut off. If I stay up late writing, it takes about 30min for me to fall asleep.
Thanks for the lovely images in your writing!
Hi, Cassandra. I do like Scrabble. But I mostly like letters and words. And books.
I eat a bowl of cereal. :)
It seems that when I waken during the night and feel "wired" with similar symptoms that a nice bowl of cereal somehow calms me and I am able to fall asleep again. I am not quite sure why this works, although I recently heard that if a person's blood sugar falls too low at night, the body will awaken. I avoid heavily sweetened cereals and reach for a higher-quality whole grain variety. Sometimes I've had a sparse cupboard and have settled for a small bowl of cheerios ~ not a good option for blood sugar levels, I guess, but it still seems to do the trick.
This was a fun piece for me to read! I loved the imagery and its honesty artfully touches the comic elements of life ~ even if it was 2 o'clock at night!!! Loved it. smile
When I can't sleep I usually write or read. Or stare at the ceiling for a few hours wishing the next morning I'd turned on the light to either write or read.
**I love this post!!!** and DH Lawrence, too.
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